Last week I took some non-Iranian friends to a Persian restaurant and spent the entire meal committing a series of small frauds.
I ordered loudly enough for my friends to hear and quietly enough for the actual Iranians at the next table not to. I invented the etymology of two dishes. I made very intense eye contact with the waiter and begged her telepathically not to respond to me in Farsi.
Her eyes flashed back some pity.
Growing up between two cultures, the performance is never the same twice. Sometimes you pretend you speak more than you do because your friends think you are cultured and why would you correct them now. And then there are the actual Iranians- the ones who will find you out in three words without even trying. For them, you go very quiet and pray the bread arrives before anyone asks you anything directly. By your 30s you have made peace with the first one. The second one still sends you into a cold sweat at a dinner table in New Jersey.
I mean, my Farsi is conversational if the conversation is very short and nobody asks a follow-up question. I know enough to order food, express mild outrage, and do some taroof. Those are the essentials, no?
And now I am supposed to teach my kids? This is probably not a good idea since I do not even know the word for caterpillar in Farsi. I guess I am going to learn it with them and we are all going to try. They can take it up with their therapist when they are older.
So here are some resources Dr. Mohandes found.
Some of these are technically for children. We are not here to judge.
spotted
Farsi for us (and our kids)
Bahareh Teaches Farsi
Unlike me, Bahareh is a real doctor- she has a PhD in Translation Studies. She offers classes and a book series designed specifically for conversational Farsi.
Chai & Conversation
The OG! They have been around since 2010 with courses covering speaking, reading, writing, and even poetry. They also have a super cute podcast - check out the first few episodes.
Englisi Farsi
A bilingual resource built for diaspora kids navigating English and Farsi at the same time. Worth bookmarking if you and your child are learning Farsi at roughly the same pace.
azizam, are you local?
somewhere to check out in real life!
Pardis for Children - NYC
Pardis is a nonprofit art, music, and language school for children of Iranian heritage based in New York City. They offer in-person classes in the West Village and online options, along with original music, podcasts, audiobooks, and some events. I love their spotify playlist!
tell dr. mohandes
I’m not a real doctor
Is it possible to feel Iranian if you do not speak the language, and who exactly gets to decide? Reply to this email and tell us where you land on this, because Dr. Mohandes is asking from the back of a Persian restaurant and genuinely wants to know.
xoxo,
Dr. Mohandes <3
P.S. Dr. Mohandes has many certifications. Fluent Farsi is not one of them.
P.P.S Next issue: all about food